Wednesday, October 25, 2006

loving me

You say that I dont need you, and that makes me too hard to love. Dont you know that wanting and needing are not the same thing? You say you cant get into my head. Dont you know it is my heart that matters? You say that every man needs to be needed. Cant you see that I need you to let me be me? You say that I never let you in. Cant you understand that I have left the window open and the rest is up to you? You say that I've built a wall so high it will never fall. Dont you know that you hold the key to the door? You say that you want to love me, but you dont know how. Dont you know that loving me, means loving all of me? Even the parts that are bruised. You say I'm too broken for you to fix. Cant you see that I dont expect you to fix me, I'm used to being broken. You want to know how to love me. I say that I cant answer that.

I could tell you the right words to say, the right things to do, I could even show you. And maybe you could do it. Maybe you would want to more than anything. But the walls that you hate so much... my secrets are the mortar that holds them together. I cant give that to you. It is something you will have to do all on your own. I cant give you the wrecking ball to tear down the one thing that holds me together. I've spent years adding layers, and I wont be able to show you how to climb them. I could tell you to make me laugh, and let me cry. I could tell you to be there when I need you, and when I dont. I could tell you that its not about grand gestures, and big words... its about the little things that most girls wouldnt even notice. But I'd rather you learn that on your own. I will never need you to change my oil, or fix a leaky pipe, or take my dog to the vet. I can do it by myself. But maybe, just maybe what I need is for you to love me. Cant that be enough? So if my heart is ever breaking, if my soul is ever shattered, if my world is closing in around me, and I reach out... all you have to do is be there. Be there to catch me, and I will fall in love.

1 comment:

CS said...

hard to love, harder to hold on to. i miss you.