So the Drama

so...

2007-06-26T19:26:00.001-04:00

there's this boy. and he makes me smile. and i know its dumb, and a little pathetic, and SO not me. but I'm smiling... and dare I say, happy?! I know I'm not the kind of girl to let it last. I know I'll figure out a way, through his flaws or my own, to get out eventually. thats what i do. its who i am. but... i'm kinda hoping to break that cycle. i'm kinda hoping that recognizing it, means stopping it. keep your fingers crossed. all the gory details later! :)

can we say boring?

2007-04-07T00:16:00.000-04:00

wow, I wish I had something interesting to say, I just... well... dont! I've been working, hanging with the kids, fighting with family, and neglecting friends. life as usual around here. I have finally gone from saying "I have no life" to saying "this IS my life". And I'm finding a way to accept that. To stop looking for what's not there, and never will be. It's not easy, and it's definitely not fun, but its about as real as it gets.

See, I thought sitting at home with my kids, watching pay per view and popping pop corn was "no life". That having a life meant going out with my friends, being the life of the party, chasing tequila shooters with Miller Lite, and giving out wrong phone numbers to creepy guys. After all, the only way to meet someone was to be out in all that, right? well... I'm beginning to think that maybe, thats not what I need. And I'm not sure it was ever what I wanted. It's just what was expected of me. I was "that girl". to my friends, my family, everyone. I was the girl they called when they wanted to go out and have a blast... I was the one my mom (or grandma) always expected to call from the drunk tank with a "can you come pick me up"... even though that NEVER happened. lol I wasn't happy home alone with the computer and the tv. I wasn't happy unless I was right in the thick of it, drinking too much, singing too loud, and smiling too big. But I'm 29 years old, and single or not... I'm just too old for all that silliness.

So, its time to find a way to settle down. To learn to play the hand I was dealt, and stop drawing new cards, or hoping for that Ace in the hole. I'm a big girl, and its time I started acting that way!

If I was

2007-03-29T18:43:00.001-04:00

If I was an hour of the day... it would be midnite
If I was a planet... I would be Venus
If I was a direction... I would be the curve to the left
If I was a piece of furniture... I would be a rocking chair
If I was a liquid... I would be a martini
If I was a sin... I would be wrath
If I was a rock... I would be granite (?)
If I was a tree... I would be a magnolia
If I was a fruit... I would be a starfruit
If I was a flower... I would be a tulip
If I was a musical instrument... I would be a clarinet
If I was an element... I would be oxygen
If I was color... I would be red
If I was an animal... I would be a koala
If I was a sound... I would be squealing tires as they leave forever
If I was music... I would be "I'm Gone" by Cyndi Thompson
If I was a music style... I would be new country
If I was a feeling... I would be 'restless'
If I was a book... I would be Great Expectations
If I was a food... I would be pasta
If I was a place... I would be Italy
If I was a flavor... I would be strawberry
If I was a scent... I would be Ver Wang "princess"
If I was a word... I would be 'enigmatic'
If I was a verb... I would be 'procrastinate'
If I was an object... I would be a horse saddle
If I was a part of the body... I would be really cute feet
If I was a facial expression... I would be a raised eyebrow
If I was a cartoon character... I would be Kim Possible, baby!!
If I was a movie... I would be "In Her Shoes"
If i was a form.. I would be ... ok I dont get it. does it mean form like shape, or form like paper? lol
If I was a number... I would be 2
If I was a season... I would be autumn
If I was a sentence... I would be "Get Bent"

anonymous

2007-03-28T22:09:00.000-04:00

Because I am your friend,
I hurt when you hurt.

Because I care about you,
I cry when you cry.

Because I cherish your heart as much as my own,
Each time it breaks, I ache with you.

Because I will always be here for you,
You will fight no battle alone.

Because I have felt your words heal my wounds
I will let no wound of yours be not spoken to.

Because you mean that much to me. Because I will never leave your side. Because no one could ever take your place. Because you are much more special than you know. Because I owe you my heart. Because I love you. I am here. Just... Because.

*this is copyrighted by an anonymous writer*

daycare woes

2007-03-27T20:10:00.000-04:00

I had D-R-A-M-A last night! Picked the baby up from daycare and she proceeds to tell me that Dana (cousin w/the convict hubby) spanked her at naptime bc she wasn’t asleep. I HIT the roof! First of all, DANA doesn’t have permission to put her hand on my child at any time, in any capacity. Not even at a family gathering would I say it was OK for her to hit my child. I don’t like her, I think she's trash, and I am very funny about who interacts with my children, especially on a punishment level. Not to mention the fact that in a daycare setting, its illegal. They do have a corporal punishment policy (which I signed NO to) but it clearly states that the director ONLY will pop the child on the hand. And that is only if you've given permission, and I didn’t.

I asked her what happened, and she said it was naptime and she wasn’t asleep so Dana spanked her. I asked her "did she pop you on the hand" and she said no, mommy she spanked my butt. So I asked her "with what, a belt?" and she said no her hand. I think if she was making this up, she would have made it as BIG of a story as possible. When preschoolers make up things, they go big! I really feel if she was making it up for attention/sympathy she'd have made it this big beating with a belt and blood and bruises etc etc etc. lol She's been known to exaggerate something that actually happened, making the punishment seem worse than it was, and that has only been in the heat of the moment, but NEVER has she fabricated a complete lie.

Anyway, my first reaction was BAD. I called everyone in my family, but no one would tell me where she lived after they found out why I wanted to know. I was SOOOOO going to her house to even up the score! After I calmed down a bit, I tried to call DSS but they close at 5pm and their recording doesn’t give you the # for the 24hr hotline. I tried to call the owner at home, got her answering machine, left a message. She never called me back. THAT ticks me off. I'm still considering calling DSS but I don’t want to make any moves that will cause my daughter to be even MORE mistreated, until I can get her out of there this summer. Anyway...

This morning, I wrote a letter specifically stating that NO one was to administer corporal punishment of any kind to my daughter, including people who may be related to me. Of course, after the director read the note, she vehemently denied anything of the sort happened. I calmly told her it was not an accusation towards her OR the other director, but that I didn’t think my 3-year-old daughter had the forethought or deviance to fabricate something of that sort, especially not as specific as she was about the entire incident. She then says to me "well some kids do". OMG did that ever hit me the wrong way. I couldn’t believe she was seriously calling my daughter a flipping liar! She's 3 for goodness sake, her brain is just not developed enough to think something like that through. Anyway, I left it at that, I reitterated that no one was to put their hands on my daughter, especially that lunatic. She said ok, and that was pretty much the end of that. She looked a little mad (she's friends with Dana) but I really didn’t care. It's far more important to me that my daughter be treated appropriately than it is that the staff think I'm their best friend.

the drama unfolds

2007-03-22T20:30:00.001-04:00

Ok, here is what happened over the weekend, I'm going to try to make it short….

Friday nite my bday was great, had fun, got home at 5am, it was a trip. We'll skip that story for now.

Saturday nite when I got to my bday party (an hour late) the singer says into the mic "bout time you get to your own party". We all busted out laughing, I curtsied, it was hilarious. Then, D, (L's mom) walks up to me and says "I know your ex husband… very well". And I'm like "I know you do, he used to come in here all the time". And she's like "no, not M, the other one". And I'm all "WHAT? C?" and she says yes. Well, come to find out they were on pool league and stuff together, but she didn’t know until that night, that I was the "evil bitch" he used to be married to. hahaha Anyway, she'd brought several of her friends out who ALSO are friends with him. Anyway, we get to talkin, they ask me some questions etc and I set the record straight, and we are all having a good time. Turns out he was in town, and supposed to be coming out there w/them until one of their friends (who I know well) says "don’t invite him, I'll tell you later". That is how they found out I was his ex wife. So anyway… one of his friends takes a pic of me and her on her camera phone and texts it to him. So he writes back "who is that" and she writes back "me and your ex" and he writes back, "dang she's hot". So they were texting back and forth, she asked me if I minded if he came out there and I said no. But he said he wasn’t cause he was scared I was gonna have him beat up and thrown in jail. LOL I said no I wouldn’t, and I texted him and told him that. So then he started texting me, wanting someone to come get him etc. And he ended up texting me ALL nite. Even long after I'd gone to bed, he was still texting, I got them the next morning. So… whatever, not a big deal, I didn’t really mind. I'm not gonna be his best bud or anything (lol) but we have mutual friends, I'm over what he did to me, so its all good. Well, the next day he texts me and says "who is this". So I wrote back "wrong number". And he wrote back "great peace out" and I wrote back "bye C". He knew who it was, and that was just TOO stupid for me! lol

So then Monday we go out to eat. D tells me that he was in the bar Sunday raising hell with them about giving me his number and how he hates me etc. WHAT?!?!?! He said I kept texting him etc. Well, he showed them the texts from me, but he didn’t mention it was bc he texted me first. So I pulled out my phone and showed D how many I had from him (way more than he had from me btw) and she called Ch right then (the one who'd sent him the pic etc, and also the one he was fussing at) and was like "day has like 15 texts from him, I am sitting here looking at them" and Ch was like "oh I knew he was lying" etc. So… that was pretty much the end of that drama. Except D and Ch ended up telling me that him and J got married right before she left for Korea. (stupid idiots) [J was the one he cheated on me with when they were both in korea, and she was also married and cheating on her husband with him...that husband is now a friend of mine... how ironic right?]

THEN………… last nite Desi calls me. Guess who now works for my friend T? Cs' first wife K. How do we know this? Kwas talking about me to T. How freaking pathetic is that? She and C had been divorced like 7 years… He and I have been divorced for 4 years, and we were seperated for 2 before that. Why can she not get over it? Does she have nothing else to talk about?????? Then, on top of all of that, T has K over at her house last night watching movies, and no one can figure out why I am mad about that. G (J's ex husband) tells me I have no right to be mad, and that she can talk to whomever she pleases. Is there no loyalty left in this world? Is my friendship worth no more than that to her? It just hurts my feelings, ya know?

WHY are all of these people back in my life? I don’t want them around, I don’t want anything to do with them, I thought those were bridges I'd permanently burned and now suddenly they are everywhere I turn! This is MY home, MY town, MY friends!! They aren't even FROM here, don’t they have a home they can go to? I lost my 2 best friends bc of K, and we wont even begin to talk about what I lost to C and now suddenly they are everywhere, turning up like a bad penny. I swear, I don’t know if I can take it… I might just move! lol

stupid me

2007-03-19T23:40:00.000-04:00

It's almost midnite and I just finished torturing myself by going to chuck's memory page and reading the posts. maybe I just needed to cry...

I need...

2007-03-19T22:46:00.000-04:00

...to blog. I dont really have anything to say. My life is so confusing, my mind so befuddled. Sometimes I think maybe I should open the line of communication with the husband. But mostly I think that would be a mistake. He never loved me, and I DO know that. And I dont love him. But it was almost easier having him. Easier than being alone. But less pleasant. I dont enjoy being alone, but I know that I am not emotionally available. My self-image is in the toilet, no matter how many compliments I get! Its eerily bizarre. I'm sad, I'm bored, I'm confused, and I'm very discontented. I want to go somewhere, do something, get the hell outta here! Take the kids and move to Italy. get some crappy job, live in a cramped apartment, and ride around on one of those moped things they have while I leave the kids with the 80-year-old lady downstairs who makes them homemade ravioli and meat sauce, and talks about how her kids never visit. I need to GO... I need to get out of here. Leave everything I know, everyone I know, everything familiar, and start over somewhere else. somewhere far far away. I need to be gone. This is normally the point in my life where I dump whatever guy I'm with... but since I dont have a guy there is no way to satisfy the appetite of the beast known as the "need for change". what is wrong with me? why cant i just be happy and content with the way things are? I have kids. I need to be settled, and secure, and I am...but I'm not happy with it. I'm miserable this way. This is not who I am. I'm not Betty Crocker, or Susie Homemaker. I love them, I absolutely adore them, but I'm drowning in a sea of suburban hell! someone, anyone, please... throw me a life preserver! I cant breathe. this life, this job, this house, and that freakin minivan are suffocating me. I feel like a stepford wife! something's missing... I dont know what it is, where it is, or how to find it, but I swear I'm going insane. Who'd have ever thought I'd be the girl with the ex-husband, the 2 kids, the cocker spaniel, and the housecats. The cute little house (minus a white picket fence), the perfect little job, and close friends to have "movie and margarita" nights with. Is this seriously my life? Is this all I was meant to do? Is this really all there is? I feel guilty even thinking it you know... because I adore those children, and I'd trade them for nothing. Not even my own happiness... I guess maybe I just want it all.

what was I thinking?

2007-02-12T02:41:00.000-05:00

lower your weapons... do not fire.

I went out with married guy last night. i know, i know, but just listen! he and i have had several conversations the last few days, and for the first time, i felt like he was being honest with me. that he'd told me everything. they are legally seperated, have been for over a year. all they have to do is sign the papers to make it final, but they cant decide what to do. he admitted that he has tried to talking her into staying together, for the baby. he said he cant imagine not seeing his daughter every day, not being with her everyday. and i truly felt like, i had the truth. SO...

last night i went out for a friends birthday, and about 1 (yes a.m.) i talked them into going to the big club downtown. i knew that we'd all know a lot of people there, and i guess to some extent i was hoping he'd be there. he was. and y'all it was the cutest thing. cause i saw him, but he hadnt seen me yet, i was standing like 5 feet from him talking to some friends, and i could see him out of the corner of my eye, and when he realized i was standing there, it was like his whole face just lit up, and he broke into this huge grin. but.. me.. always the hardass, just half-smiled and said "hi how are you" and went back to my conversation. he got up out of his chair, walked the 10 steps over to me, grabs me in this big bear hug and was like "i am SO glad to see you". he went on and on about how much he missed me etc etc etc, all my friends were laughin at him. he walked away and so did we, but when i walked back over in that direction (he was at the bar, ok, i had no choice) he grabs my hand and starts introducing me to everyone he was with. they were all gawking at me which was a little annoying, but whatever! :) so i went to walk away again, and he caught my hand, and i said "i'll be back" and i went over and spoke to a friend and came right back, and he just started beaming when i walked back up. it was the weirdest thing.

anyway, he spent the majority of the time i was there with his arm around me like a pit bull guarding a ribeye. I ended up being suckered/tricked into driving him home and staying until he fell asleep... and that was pretty much my night.

whatever!

2006-12-10T01:40:00.000-05:00

OOOOOOOKKKKKKKKK. so married/not married guy totally messaged me outta the blue today, and I was kinda rude to him. THEN, he invites me to a BBQ he is having when he gets back to town in January. I told him I didnt think that was a good idea, and he actually said "why"? HELLO?!?!?!?!?! what the freakin fuck?! he was bein all nice and "I miss you" and shit. yeah, well, too fucking bad asshole! ooh he's making me CUSS. how ridiculous is this entire situation already? and now he wants to further complicate it by asking me to come hang out with him? um, can we say hell no?!?! and then he tells me he's inviting my friend lexi and her husband. which, he sorta knows her husband, but it was like that was supposed to make me wanna come?!?! how bout STILL NO asshat.
boys arent that stupid right? he's not dumb enough to think that I am that dumb is he? seriously? And I was being hateful to him. I even point blank said "why the F are you talkin to me" and he's all "well why not, I thought we were friends". yeah, whatever.
he took me off his myspace list, and I sent him a yahoo message telling him (basically) that I didnt want to talk to him anymore. so out of the blue, now, he's messaging me? WTF eeeevvvveeerrrr!!!!!!!!!!!! why am I so annoyed by this? why does it piss me off so bad? i was being as mean as i could and he was all "yay, we're friends". PUKE. he even told me that he's missed talking to me. fuckstick... like I freakin care... so, whatever it is that he's up to... I didnt fall for it... so he can just GO TO HELL.

looking for my rainbow

2006-11-28T22:40:00.000-05:00

I read a quote once, I dont remember whose it was, that said if you wanted to find the rainbow, you had to be willing to live through the rain. Well, its been raining here for a LONG time, and I wanna know where my fucking rainbow is!

Married dude update- I told him I didnt want to be his friend anymore. It kinda felt like since I found out the truth, he's avoided me, even though he said he wasn't. He never contacted me first, and I got tired of it all. So we dont talk anymore. /that

Husband update- He still wont sign a bloody thing. It's been 6 months, and if I wait another 6 I can go to court and file on the grounds that we've been seperated for a year, and have a final court date in 30 days as long as he doesnt contest anything. so keep your fingers crossed!

Guess thats about it for updates. I'm busy decorating for Christmas, and stuff.

loving me

2006-10-25T22:39:00.000-04:00

You say that I dont need you, and that makes me too hard to love. Dont you know that wanting and needing are not the same thing? You say you cant get into my head. Dont you know it is my heart that matters? You say that every man needs to be needed. Cant you see that I need you to let me be me? You say that I never let you in. Cant you understand that I have left the window open and the rest is up to you? You say that I've built a wall so high it will never fall. Dont you know that you hold the key to the door? You say that you want to love me, but you dont know how. Dont you know that loving me, means loving all of me? Even the parts that are bruised. You say I'm too broken for you to fix. Cant you see that I dont expect you to fix me, I'm used to being broken. You want to know how to love me. I say that I cant answer that.

I could tell you the right words to say, the right things to do, I could even show you. And maybe you could do it. Maybe you would want to more than anything. But the walls that you hate so much... my secrets are the mortar that holds them together. I cant give that to you. It is something you will have to do all on your own. I cant give you the wrecking ball to tear down the one thing that holds me together. I've spent years adding layers, and I wont be able to show you how to climb them. I could tell you to make me laugh, and let me cry. I could tell you to be there when I need you, and when I dont. I could tell you that its not about grand gestures, and big words... its about the little things that most girls wouldnt even notice. But I'd rather you learn that on your own. I will never need you to change my oil, or fix a leaky pipe, or take my dog to the vet. I can do it by myself. But maybe, just maybe what I need is for you to love me. Cant that be enough? So if my heart is ever breaking, if my soul is ever shattered, if my world is closing in around me, and I reach out... all you have to do is be there. Be there to catch me, and I will fall in love.

A TRIP LONG AGO...

2006-10-20T23:22:00.000-04:00

i had a very interesting life once. i was so happy go lucky, and the world was a sunshiney place. that changed. i'm not sure when or how, but all of my really happy thoughts, are memories of the past. now i just sort of exist in the ho-hum life i've drudged up for myself somehow. one bad decision after another has taken its toll. but, that is not what this entry is about. its supposed to be about happy memories. most of those center around one man, who will remain unnamed. anyway, i was talking to him this morning, and he reminded me of a trip that we took to st louis a few years back. this was the time that he came to visit me from UT. we went to go to his friends wedding. shockingly, i dont remember much about the trip itself. i remember it was a LONGGGGGGGG drive...and we had trouble with the rental car and had to wait forever once we got there to get a new one. anyway, after that we finally got where we were staying and decided to take a nap before we went out that night. funny, i dont remember what we did. maybe the wedding was actually that night. the wedding, i dont remember much about. except that it was different than any wedding i'd ever been to...maybe they were catholic? i remember how happy that girl was to see LOML. they had been good friends growing up. i remember her walking over to him in that white dress and hugging him. he was wearing his dress blues, and i remember being so jealous. not that some girl was huggin my man or anything...just the picture that he made, standing there in his dress blues, arms around a happy bride. not his bride, but still...it was a sight that made me think. he changed before the reception...into a suit. i remember that too. i dont remember much about the reception either...there was dancing, and a sit down dinner i think. and i remember during the couple's dances with their parents, some NUTS got up there on the dance floor and started dancing and a couple of the guys had to tell them (more than once) to sit down. i can remember meeting some people (i think one was his "adopted dad" and his girlfriend) and them telling me that they could tell i was "the one". and i remember hoping they were right, and hoping that he'd see it. he didnt. but, this is about happy memories, right? anyway, the next day in st louis we went to visit a couple of his high school friends. one girl's mother told me how she'd never seen him happier with a girl, and how she thought wedding bells were around the corner for us. even teased him asking when he was going to get some sense and ask me to marry him. meanwhile, my head is screaming, "tell him tell him!" of course, i'd never say that out loud because that would've been showing emotion and we dont do that. anyway... that night we went to pick up one of his stepbrothers and went to this little karaoke bar. i remember laughing and having a great time. and i remember sitting there next to him, my head resting slightly on his shoulder, arm through his, hand on his leg, thinking that i never wanted to move from that spot. i could hear him laughing, i could look up through my lashes and see his smile, and i'd never been so happy. and i never was again. the next night we left st louis and drove home. there had been a joke about us getting married while we were in st louis, and i can remember my heart breaking as we left, knowing that it would never happen. i think i knew then that it was over. i dont remember the rest of his trip, just taking him to the airport. i think we were running a little late, and i dont think i walked him to the gate. but i do remember pulling out of the airport parking lot, and not being able to stop crying. i remember telling myself to get over it, he was gone, and obviously it was not meant to be. and i remember the heart break. i think it hurt more that he'd left me a second time, than it ever did the first time. because there was a finality to it, even though we'd not broken up. i knew it was the beginning of the end. he told me much later that he'd had a ring with him that weekend, but the timing was never quite right. back then, i thought he was lying, since he told me that after i'd broken up with him, citing the relationship wasnt "going anywhere". maybe it was true, or maybe it was a way to make the hurt worse for me, to make him feel better. sometimes people do that, i know i have. that trip to st louis was the trip where i got pregnant. and only 3 people in the world know about that. i lost the baby at between 7 and 9 weeks the dr said. it didnt hurt much, more like a period cramp...and i didnt even know what was happening. didnt even know i was pregnant. and i dont remember ever telling him. only me, the dr, and my best friend ever knew it happened. i remember the emotional pain. not so much of losing a baby, if i'd known i was pregnant, i wouldnt have wanted another one anyway! not then. but it was a pain in knowing that i'd lost the last tie that i had to him. and that i'd never even known the tie existed. i broke up with him right after that. never telling him why. it was just too much to deal with. and once i heard that he was marrying this girl, just because he'd gotten her pregnant, it was like someone twisting the knife in an already open wound.

awesome movie

2006-08-04T22:37:00.000-04:00

Dearest,

Do you know how in love with you I am? Did I trip? Did I stumble? Lose my balance, graze my knee…graze my heart?

I know I’m in love when I see you. I know when I long to see you…Not a muscle has moved. Leaves hang unruffled by any breeze. The air is still. I have fallen in love without taking a step…

You are all wrong for me and I know it but I no longer care for my thoughts unless they’re thoughts of you.

When I’m close to you, I feel your hair brush my cheek when it does not. I look away from you sometimes, then I look back. When I tie my shoes, when I peel an orange, when I drive my car, when I lie down each night…I remain, Yours"

5

2006-07-31T22:37:00.000-04:00

Picked this up somewhere or the other....I've seen several variations the last couple days so I just picked a few and went with it.... hey, I had to post something right? lol

5 things...

In my fridge.
1) Olives
2) Diet Coke
3) Orange Juice
4) PB&J
5) leftovers that prolly shouldnt be

In my closet.
1) Clothes...
2) Tons of Shoes
3) 2 wedding dresses
4) Boxes of pictures
5) Body sprays/lotions etc (its a big closet, ok)

In my car.
1) carseats
2) today's mail
3) cell phone charger
4) umbrella
5) chg of clothes for the lil one (just in case)

In my purse.
1) L'ancome lip moisturizer
2) various makeup
3) Cell Phone
4) Keys
5) gum/mints/candy (keeps kids quiet in emergencies...lol)

In my DVD collection
1) My Best Friends Wedding
2) How to lost a Guy in Ten Days
3) In Her Shoes
4) Just Like Heaven
5) Notting Hill

In My CD Collection
1) Carrie Underwood
2) Kenny Chesney
3) Sara McLachlan
4) Keith Urban
5) SheDaisy

prety fingernails

2006-06-26T22:35:00.000-04:00

Sunday morning I was on the phone with my friend Tiffany. We were chatting away about who knows what, when my baby said she had to go potty. I could see into my bathroom from my bed where I was still laying, so I told her go ahead. I wasn't staring her down or anything, but I could see out of the corner of my eye that she was sitting on the potty. After a few minutes she finishes, gets down flushes etc. She doesnt immediately come out. When I call her, out she comes, with the biggest grin on her face saying "mommy, you like my pretty fingernails?" On her stubby little fingers...each one of them, were 5 tampon applicators! I tried not to freak out. I told Tiffany, "she has tampon applicators on her fingers" and Tiff freaks out with "OMG where are the tampons, she didnt put them in her did she?" I'm thinking, no freaking way. I did however go into the bathroom and say "where did you put the rest of them?" and she says, "in the trash". know what was in the trash? nothing. they were USED tampon applicators. not new ones. NOT NEW ONES. I swallowed down the vomit that was rising in my throat and told her to throw them away, which she did, while saying "whats wrong mommy, why mommy?" I told to just do it, and then go to her bathroom and wash her hands. she's like "ok mommy, why mommy?" I was SO grossed out. she throws them away, goes to her bathroom, washes her hands and comes back. "all better, mommy?" she asks.

man oh man. I stayed calm, so I was pretty impressed, but how freaking gross. I never in a million years thought she'd be digging in my bathroom toilet. and they were wrapped up too! And in my defense, I had just "finished" needing to use them, or they'd have never been in there... it grosses me out to let them sit in the trash, even though I wrap them in about a half roll of toilet paper. What I can't figure out is how she got 5 unwrapped in like 6.2 seconds... I mean, what made her even think to unwad tp from the trash can?

Who knows, I guess, but it was certainly the highlight of my weekend! lol

he's gone

2006-05-28T22:33:00.000-04:00

Ok, so its been like 4 days and I'm already beyond ready for it to be over with. Part of me is super-pissed bc he's out partying and having a great time, living the single life already. not that I really care, but I guess I just want him to care. I want him to be sitting at his parent's house depressed and sad, wanting to work things out, willing to do whatever it takes to come home. I want him to be miserable. But he's not, he's loving it. Which just tells me more than anything that I'm doing the right thing. It's not even bothering him to be gone. I guess I'm mostly pissed because I want him to be something he'll never be. A decent person. he just doesn't have it in him. that much is obvious.

To top it all off, all the good shows have already had their season finale's so I'm home alone watching reruns. not that he and I were ever in the same room when he was here anyway. I just have a lot on my mind, and a lot to deal with, this is going to be hard, and he's out having the time of his life. its just frustrating.

and I'm even more pissed cause I dont know why I even care. Oh well at least I dont have to work tomorrow. Hooray for national holidays!

2006-05-16T22:29:00.000-04:00

In case you couldnt tell....I didnt go to work today. I'm not sure my title is gramatically correct, so bite me! I was so very nauseous this morning that I thought I might die, so I called in sick. Then, I got to feeling better, and called to tell them I was coming, and they told me to keep my cooties at home. lol So...I sat at home and I painted my porch some more. I'm so very proud of myself. Have I bragged yet? NO? OK!Saturday, I rescreened my entire 200+ sqft porch by myself... I bought a roll of screen and my mom held it while I measured it to cut, and the rest of it I pretty much did alone. So, I rescreened the porch, put up lattice, put up siding, and then painted the inside. I painted it a pale yellow, and today I did all the white trim. I'm going to tear up the indoor/outdoor carpet and paint the concrete slab floor. Not sure what color would look good...open to suggestions.Anyway, enough bragging, although I am terribly proud of myself! :) So goodnight all.

2005-07-21T21:37:00.000-04:00

One more time
Yeah,that's what I said back a couple of times ago
Thank you
Kindly for reminding me I'm good to go

I'm gone
And I'm taking all my good stuff
Gone,gone
You'll never get it back
I'm gone,gone
Been a long time coming
Bet you're gonna miss me bad

That's right
This party isn't all that it's cracked up to be
Yeah,boy
You gotta grab yourself a partner but don't look at me

I'm gone
And I'm taking all my good stuff
Gone,gone
You'll never get it back
I'm gone,gone
Been a long time coming
Bet you're gonna miss me bad

Hey you
Yeah,you there with that smug look smeared across your face
That's right
I've got better things to do then hang around this place

I'm gone
And I'm taking all my good stuff
Gone,gone
You'll never get it back
I'm gone,gone
Been a long time coming
Bet you're gonna miss me bad